Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
