I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
