tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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