He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
