2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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