I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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