Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
