just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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