Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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