I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
