Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My life is pants optional.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
