I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
