Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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