The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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