I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO