sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now