I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.