Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says