I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Too much gin, very little bucket
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dating After Heartbreak
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.