What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.