gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.