Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
