Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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