I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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