Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
