Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
