If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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