Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
