He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
