I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
