he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
