If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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