Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
