I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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