We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
