I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
