Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
