i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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