haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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