Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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