Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
