Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
