fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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