Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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