my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
