never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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