I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
