I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
