Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
