My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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