going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
