do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
