If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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