i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
