I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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