did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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