I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
