I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
