how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
