Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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