i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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