i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
