we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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