I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
