I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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