wrigley field is MILF paradise
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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