Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
