Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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