it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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