This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
