So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
