i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize