i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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