I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
