Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
