I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
