How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
