I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
