Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
