I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
