me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
