After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
