I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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