Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
